My first attempt at a drawing type thing.
I’ve called it rescue.
My first attempt at a drawing type thing.
I’ve called it rescue.
Sometimes I feel I don’t fucking belong
I mean, I could be wrong
But I need some kind of sign
To feel this is my time,
And I I don’t usually swear
But the restraints just not there
When you feel down on your luck
Sometimes You just have to say fuck
To write a sad limerick
Feels like a shit gimmick
But when the minds in the pit
Out comes the shit!
Just true honest words
I’m not sorry for the curse.
Im just a flawed genius
Just like all of us,
Wrestling with our soul
To climb out this shitty hole
To fuck all the hate
And Use that shit to create
Something cool that’s unique
That’s not up for critique
It’s not theres, its yours
There’s no fucking flaws
It represents you
Laid bare and all true.
There I’ve said all my shit
And my thoughts, so fuck it,
Because we’re in this together
I feel so much better
For now anyway
To the next fucking day
When my mind is at war
And I’ll swear so much more
Or perhaps produce a masterpiece
To put my mind at peace
Yeah That be great,
Dont procrastinate, or duplicate
Be like me and go fucking create,
Addiction seems so fruitful
Mountains of highs
Valleys of lows
We fight to-and-fro
Reaching for the sky to smile
But always end up drowning
Down below in the depths.
The aftermath of addiction
Drags down the soul
Swamps joy and hope
To the point of destruction,
Sleep becomes a distant distraction,
Sweat is the choice of panic
And crying the release for help.
The hole is deep
Dug by individual hand
Which carries the burden solely
The weight of the dirt,
Mountains are far out of sight
Especially as sinking begins
And normality shrinks.
Was peaking high
Worth the aftermath
And the massacre of feelings
That follows like a shadow
I have been living with OCD and intrusive thoughts for over thirty years. It is such a disabling mental illness; it’s really hard for someone without it to understand the distress it causes.
Trying to explain OCD and intrusive thoughts to a person makes you sound mad.
Think about it, a seemingly rational person, feeling guilty, avoiding and taking no risks due to being crippled by the irrational thoughts in their own head.
But millions of people deal with this every day.
Fifteen years ago I had CBT for my unwanted intrusive thoughts, and even up to five years ago, and each time I was told and taught the same way to deal with the thoughts:
‘Try and think of something positive instead to counter the negative thought’.
Another technique was like the ‘Whack a mole game’ Every time I had an intrusive thought pop up, I had to visually whack it in my head. So I would spend days, weeks, pretending to whack these thoughts in my head with a pretend Mallett. I’m sure at the time these were the latest techniques, but it has now been proved it is the wrong way to deal with unwanted intrusive thoughts, because as soon as you engage with the thought, in any capacity, it will start the vicious circle of negative emotions and feelings.
I found a book called ‘Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts’ by Sally M. Winston and Martin N. Seif.
And since then I haven’t looked back. It taught me the modern ways of dealing with these unwanted thoughts.
First of all Unwanted Intrusive thoughts are thoughts we all have, but some people react overly emotionally to ones that don’t fit the character they have built for themselves. So they question the thoughts’ meaning, which turns into a cycle of questioning and guilt.
The OCD thoughts’ content can be violent, sexual, criminal, religious, personal, anything that causes a negative reaction to the mind.
One thing to learn is that any thought can be tolerated, ANY!
A thought is just a thought, the distress is caused by engaging with the seemingly bad awful ones, and start questioning,
‘Could I really do this, am I some kind of Deviant?’,
‘Thinking this must make me a bad person’,
‘I must be insane or a pervert to think this way’.
The truth is nearly everyone has bad or out of character thoughts, 90% of the population, but most people shrug them off for what they are, junk, rubbish, imagination, just a thought, and with this kind of attitude it goes as quickly as it came, leaving with no trace.
Anxious people, like myself, engage with the thought,
Asking, Why me?
What can I do?
What does it mean?
But I can’t stress this enough, it’s just a thought. A thought about flowers is the same as a thought about killing someone, or pushing a person on the road. It’s just some people engage with the bad or ridiculous thoughts, so they stick around. What happens when you try and not think about something? It sticks around and keeps coming back with more force.
The best technique, or tool, call it whatever you want, couldn’t be simpler; Accept the thought for what it is, just a thought.
Let it be, and carry on life with whatever you’re doing.
Be it while working, on a date, watching telly, at the cinema, or walking, just accept it and move on. I know from experience these thoughts can strike anywhere, making you doubt life and happiness. But to just accept it and carry on is so powerful when it works. The light bulb comes on, forever!
Any thought can be tolerated, ANY! Just accept and allow, no fighting or questioning, let it be. Once you engage, or try to rationalise an intrusive thought you’re trapped in the cycle of forever questioning what it means.
It means nothing, it’s just a thought, maybe not a nice one, but just a thought all the same. It means nothing about your character, your personality, your sanity, your past or future, it’s just a thought, accept and allow it for what it is.
Engaging with unwanted intrusive thoughts can bring on feelings of guilt, shame, disgust, isolation, and being a bad person. Nothing is further from the truth. An evil or psychotic personality would not feel anxious about having violent, sexual, or criminal thoughts. So to feel anxious and guilty about unwanted intrusive thoughts shows proof of a good character. It’s the character and choices of a person that defines them, not their thoughts or imagination.
I struggled and struggled with intrusive thoughts, but this clicked with me, and it’s simple. Just allow the thought, accept it’s just a thought. A random, nonsensical, crazy kind of thought, that makes no sense, but it’s just a thought. It doesn’t say anything about you as a person. It doesn’t mean there is a hidden evil inside you waiting to come out, trying to come forth in your mind, it’s just a thought. Laugh or forget about it, just accept and allow it to be there and in time it will drift off with no anxiety.
Using this technique in my therapy sessions, and reading the book I mentioned earlier changed my life forever.
I even used this technique for my OCD. I used to check all the time because my mind was telling me if I didn’t something bad would happen to me or my family, so I kept carrying out the rituals. Since learning about intrusive thoughts, I used this technique to stop my compulsions. When OCD tries to tempt me, I would tell myself it’s just an intrusive thought, it means nothing, and that helped me to keep walking away. Gradually the anxiety got lower after each time.
I was worried this would turn into another compulsion, but in the end the urge and temptation to check went without having to think or remind myself too much, so it became the normal to not obsess and give in to the thoughts.
Liked this article? Check a similar article: Why Is Self-Care An Absolute Important?
I’ve suffered with OCD and Intrusive thoughts for thirty two years. I’m a qualified person-centered counsellor. I write poetry as it helps my mental health, and I have a Poetry Facebook page, a Blog, and a Book that was released last year called Encryption of the Mind.
I use writing as a tool to express my feelings and to create something unique. When you feel safe enough to give your Imagination freedom, it’s wonderful thing.
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POSTED IN WELL-BEINGTAGGED AFFECTED MENTAL HEALTH, CHRIS CHANT, HOW TO FIGHT OCD, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS HELP, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS TREATMENT, MENTAL DISORDER, MENTAL DISORDER HELP, MENTAL HEALTH, MENTAL SELF-CARE, OCD, OCD HELP, OCD PATIENT, OCD STORY, OCD SURVIVOR, OCD THERAPY, OCD WARRIOR, OCD WARRIORS, PROFESSIONAL OCD HELP, SELFLOVE
Can you hear the silence
That’s me in the dark corner
Not speaking a word
Avoiding eye to eye,
But even though I’m innocent
I emit dark guilty vibes
Or thats how it feels,
In my mind
Im Batting away stares
Of a alibi
Running through my head,
No crime has been committed
Or deviant deed undertaken
So why does guilt
Deep red my face
Cause my pores to seep
Like the sweat of a condemned man,
And I flee the scene
Hiding my face
Quickening my stroll
Until I reach the door
Of escape, literally,
I chance a glance to the crowd,
No looks to my direction
Heads not shifted an inch
Not even a slightest turn,
No ones even pretended to notice
I’ve vacated the building
And I’ve Left my seat cold,
My thoughts led my mind
To Think I’m the centrepiece
When of course
Im The polar opposite
Invisible and silent,
Reality sets in
My subconscious has excused me
With a fake thought trail
Mixed with physical traits
Of anxiety and guilt
So I could leave without obligation,
I’m at home, all alone,
Suffering from avoidance
And a massive dose
Of a life lost.