Turn back time

I miss my friend
He had an affliction,
He never opened up
About his addiction,
But he was full of emotion
And loyalty in life,
If he could help you he would
Without thinking twice,
Drink was his weakness
Friendship his bond,
When suicide came
Everyone bowed to his song,
I’ll never forget my friend
I wish he didn’t die,
When that day comes around
I always look up to the sky.

Burn

We have to unlearn
To be a Burden,
Release the frustrated
Of feeling hated.
We try and we try
To live and not die,
But it’s so hard
To kick start
The energy and will
To swallow the pill
To be able to see straight
And let go of the hate.

I look in the reflection
And see no direction,
Just roads of chaos
Leading to being lost.
I know, and I feel
One day I will heal
Until then I shall not hide
And Choose to stay inside
Where comfort lies in place
And I never show my face.

I will go forth to live
Allow myself to forgive
All the invisible thoughts
That cut my life short,
Yes I shall stand
Drop the knife from hand
Pull up out of the bath
Smile and laugh,
You know I could
In fact I know I should,
If only I wasnt dead
And the water wasnt red,
And my thoughts wasnt fate
Telling me im too late,
I never learn
Im still a burden
My family will find me
Open the door and see
My body, or what’s left,
See I’m still out of place, even in death.

Domino

Dont repeat this writing
Do not say these words
Pronounce no more,
or chaos will resume.
Midnight will become timeless
Darkness unleashed
Bringing out the horrors
And flesh will be consumed.
Cursed is a curse
Non believing makes it worse
Don’t tempt it out
To play in the light,
Dancing on bones,
It will strike the leader
The biggest ego among men
Slashing the laughter
Blood staining homes.
Smile if you will
Joke at my expense
Even though your mind is scared
And your lips tightly shut,
For it hears all
Flays to be fed
Will not stop or relent
To feed its rotting gut.
Do not share I plead
My conscience is now clear
The fault will not be mine
If blood runs in your tears.

Reflection

Avoid all, still not missed
Replays of friends who still exist
Thoughts cloudy of partners kissed
Many reunions, not on list
A ghost alive in this time
Head an alarm, heart a chime
Mortality clouds an open head
Life be easier without dread
Flashbacks penetrate, hard sharp funnel
Retreating briefly, a deafly tunnel

Boredom, no loneliness
Bordering mad, bordering mess
Panic rises, need more haste
Blood spilled, leaves bad taste
Cut on skin, scrape on mind
A bloody favour, being kind

Impulse brings clammy splatters
Wall, floor, neither matters
Ceramic sink tainted red
Shallow cùt, far from dead
Choice made, closer to life
Drop blade, clean stained knife
Fighting with each shallow breath
Retreat from the near bitter death

Admit faltering defeat, move shock to motion
Fallout with breaths, wash scars with rain
Expect the time that will define the future,
Of being able to face the mirror image again.

Black box

I have no advice for you my friend
Apart from – I have been to the darkness
And came back better.
I saw the lowest a soul can get
While still breathing
And survived to tell my story.
We are unique and so is our escape.
Place a hand in front of the other
And find your key,
The one aspect of you
That unlocks the trapdoor of emptiness,
Brings a warmth to the cold corner
To which you sit.

I have no advice for you my friend
Apart from don’t believe in the four sides
That holds you.
There is more to life than being stuck,
Living behind the eyes
With the illusion
Life resembles an black box.

You are a spark among many,
So show your unique colour
And I promise,
You will no longer question or doubt,
Your ability to rise.

Dreams can come true

Thinking is nights blinking
Keeping awake the conscience
Alerting panic to stand by
Even though it’s a lie.
Sanity briefly held together
By a strand of rationality
That’s left in a reality.
Would I really do this
Could this really happen?
No not today, or ever,
But the mind lives it as truth
Senses and heart in overdrive
Bringing death closer through neglect.
The body lives by the heads guidance
Believing the false inevitable,
Asking what’s the use
In carrying on towards oblivion
As an supposed evil or fractured person
In this squalor we call freedom.
If the eyes saw what the body felt
The shock would kill the soul,
The hand would let blood flow,
Flooding the sanctuary of the mind
Until there can be no more questioning,
No Arguing or inner struggles with ones self.
Is it best to surrender prematurely
Instead of forever defining
Peoples altered perspectives of love and hate?.
Its tiring,
I wish I had the strength to just lay down and die
And release my soul, to this unknown fate.

Flavour

Senses turning against reality
Honing in on the rotten
Overpowering any sweetness
Polluting the mind
Affecting the body.

The anxiety appears in sweat
Soaking the bare clothes
Saturating any social events
With toxic thinking
Turning to toxic odours.

Thoughts say I’m unkempt
It realeases as a truth in wetness
Soaking my life from the pits.
Buts it’s an illusion of the brain
Worrying about the future event
Causing anxiety to rise
And for the flood to come true.

My depressive scent
Separates me from society
Isolates me from possible relationships
Forcing my hand to Stay indoors
Showering the stink away
Countless times a day.
In that moment I’m clean
Until I step outside the door
Then sweat begins once more,
Overpowering any soap
Giving a sensation and urge
To peel away the skin.

Saviour was a biological solution
Leading to side effects of the body,
But at least that phase of life ran dry
Causing a drought of the body.
Finially one less worry from inside my shell.
Anxiety still condemned me
Not to leave the house
But in my own company at least,
My fragrance didn’t smell.

Paradise

Man said ‘I will listen’
But hear he does not,
A trampled soul shouts for mortality
The world falls deaf,
A false leap is threatened
The crowd go blind,

We drain the rivers
After the soul has drowned,
Pump the stomach
When life is empty,
And break down bridges
To bury the skeleton.

Local guilt heals with time
And becomes no crime,
In the aftermath signs were seen
And remorse takes over.
At this point
‘Ask for help’ they say
But fear suffocates any voice

And even though
Life is at half mast
Balanced on the tip of no return
Hope falls heavily to the side of silence,
Irrationality persuades the mind
To now just save the breath,
Use final energy to rebound fear
Summon a last act of courage,
Find peace in the unknown
And walk closer to death.