Notebook

I have writers block
It happens time to time
Its makes me watch the clock
And stress of a new rhyme

My mind becomes obsessive
Causing a lot of friction
I have to take steps back
Or it leads to an addiction

I write a hidden meaning
In every single word
But my verses make no sense
And the message becomes blurred

I try too hard to produce
A written piece of magic
Starting with upbeat
And ending with something tragic

Then I remembered my motives
I write only to find peace
A way to sort my thoughts
A chance for me to release

Without words I surpress
And it leaves me with no fight
So I continue to express
My emotions as I write

Some Disorder

Take a moment
To catch a breath
Its complicated to imagine
The thoughts swirling in-depth

To normal, the lines are straight
For others mind is twisted
Most eyes see clean and clear
But in darkness sight is squinted

Sit straight as the tale is tall and true
And receivers do feel manipulated
For belief these disorders are real
Makes for uncomfortable and complicated

Concentration shuts off
The expression turns blank
No effort to understand
The eyes have rolled and sank

The Stories are true
No need for exaggeration
Many souls are lost
To their own imagination

Breakdown

We take a Calculated risk to open up
The eyes of our soul,
A window that cannot be closed
Or true reflections fabricated,
Each colour and thought
Between you and I
Varies in content
And meaning,
But we thrive to live
In this trapped consciousness
Of Tangled webs,
Entwined blind and twisted
In body and soul
In a chamber of darkness
Reminiscent of a demon concoction
Enduring endless deep emotions
At every turn,
We feel vindicated
That this voyage is just our journey
Not a journey of billions,
For this we feel guilt
Though we should not
As it’s a wasted expelling of energy
To comprehend
Where there is no answer,
I beg whoever
To close the portal of dark imagination,
Shut off the vivid dreams
That haunt our minds
And control the strings
Of daily torment.

Coincidences

The master of disguise never wears a costume
Just hides the sides of his mind,
The myth becomes alive
To the right side of the brain,
It makes us dance to silence
Create with nothing
And paint colours to the sky,
When it takes over
Overcoming the left distant side
You will strive for the feeling
Of exuberance
To last forever,
Never wanting to ever let go,
This is the only way
To move forward and evolve.

Underneath the sky

Do you know the fear
Of stepping outside,
Shaking with exhaustion,
To have Convulsions
With the thought
Of impending doom
From venturing in to the world.

Choosing instead to stay
In the zone of comfort,
Ride out the anxiety,
Hide from any knocking doors,
Cover my ears, praying they will leave,
Eyes tightly shut, only opening
To Time watch the clock,
Waiting,
Until the deadline passes
That I was expected.

At this time relief sets in
A weight is lifted,
Able to exhale,
Even though I’ve failed,
Let people down
Through not turning up,
Ruining reputation,
Using up all the forgiveness allowed,
Resulting in bad looks and stares from afar.

Even though because of this,
I’m relieved,
I didn’t have to go,
Put myself through hell
By advancing through the front door,
I can live with this for tonight,
Enjoy the feeling of safety,
Celebrate my avoidance,
I’ve got away with it once again…
Until the next time.

Amputated

Two fingers amputated due to a work accident.
For a recreational writer and poet it can be a massive setback.
Not being able to make notes quickly, and struggling to get motivated or creative when looking at a loss which is so obvious in front of my face.
Worrying what other people think of my deformity.

But we must crack on and tell our story.
I’ve suffered mentally in the past, and now physically.
Because it’s my writing hand I feel like I’m being tormented or warned by some higher power.

But alas that is just my imagination, which is still fully intact.
I will adapt and embrace the change. Though it may be a slower process, words will still flow and my story will go on…

Two Halves

This poem is featured in the Poetry book – Encryption of the Mind.
Which is now available to buy or download from Amazon and other good bookstores or

https://www.austinmacauley.com/book/encryption-mind
❤👍

Two halves

You may think these words are heavy
It’s hard not to be with mental illness
Most would of stopped reading by now
Some stayed just to be curious

Maybe you stayed because you can relate,
To how it felt and how it affected you
The Love, fear, happiness and hate
We’re constantly have, and are going through

Those first two verses were written when really low,
God, reading it brings me down
But only to a level of understanding
All part of turning your life around

Well, you got this far, and not by chance
Seen off the mysterious voices
Freedom is a wonderful thing
Being able to make life choices

A lot of life has been wasted
Solving an impossible puzzle
Time to look past, look forward
Take off that emotional muzzle

I don’t want to end this like I’m preaching,
But theres one thing I’ve identified,
If you do relate, then you’re a kind, loyal,
Beautiful, passionate, creative, ambitious and caring person…
… Don’t hide!

Happy People

Happy People

I’m sinking
Sinking in drinking
Swallowing my soul,
Im thinking, thinking
Of sinking
Swallowed down whole

I’m breathing
Breathing in light
Where darkness still reigns,
I’m sorry
Sorry for everything
Guilt runs through my veins

I’m leaving
Leaving through time
I’ve nothing left,
Come find me
Find me in peace
There’s no judgement in death.

I Swear

I have been Cursed
For causing dark treason,
Bringing public the fight
That reins against my demons,

As I focus my words, I become,
The truth bringer,
So action is taken
And mystical fate looses my fingers.

Twice a digit has been sacrificed
Amputated to order,
By the secret forces
Who watch over the borders,

A thin veil of protection
A line of hidden meaning,
A dark threat to my spirit,
Soon I will be bleeding

My Penship is now a martyr
Twice finger limbs have been cut
But I will never stop the write
Though my hand is truly fucked.