Body language

I think I’m alone
Even when gathered in a herd
I’m afraid my spirit has flown
I never hear a word

Even though I speak
My voice doesn’t leave
And the cries for help
Evaporate when I breathe

I crave for any attention
A positive or negative poke
Just someone to react
To pretend as if I spoke

Not looking for a fake smile
Or for a touch of a hand
Just a genuine shoulder
I hope you understand.

Purgatory

Light to dark
I will wait
Until I hear you hark
And seal my fate

Confines the shadow
Expresses the grin
Hides the halo
And the demon within

Once I was good
Turned white into black
I know that I should
But I’ll never go back.

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Fun

You can’t beat friends in Childhood
Fun was safe, fun Was good
Playing out to near after dark
At the big or little park
Swinging on the Witches hat
Stood screaming or tightly sat
Never leaved early to go home
Even with cuts or broken bones
Can play while the streetlights are out
If not the the parents would shout
On the corners playing Forty forty
Only being slightly naughty
Climbing over neighbours fences
Lying flat behind their hedges
Laughing with heads spinning
Never cared whose was winning
Climbing up the sides
Of the deathly metal slide
Ripping trousers on the way down
Scream in pain and laugh aloud
Fun and near misses
Holding hands and secret kisses
Swinging high by our feet
Jumping off, falling on concrete
The most Popular of course
The old faithful rocking horse
Holding on with white knuckles
Before the rails breaks and buckles
The Older kids acting cool
The rubbish bin was always full
Take me back to the grass
Where friends were the best class
We used to play, used to live
Sometimes fought but always forgive
It’s a shame that youth had to end
But you never forgive your childhood friends

Notebook

I have writers block
It happens time to time
Its makes me watch the clock
And stress of a new rhyme

My mind becomes obsessive
Causing a lot of friction
I have to take steps back
Or it leads to an addiction

I write a hidden meaning
In every single word
But my verses make no sense
And the message becomes blurred

I try too hard to produce
A written piece of magic
Starting with upbeat
And ending with something tragic

Then I remembered my motives
I write only to find peace
A way to sort my thoughts
A chance for me to release

Without words I surpress
And it leaves me with no fight
So I continue to express
My emotions as I write

True

A poem I wrote about 15 years ago…

True

First time my heart broke
Was after we spoke
About your new friend
I knew it was the end

I was to blame
I became an old flame
But my heart still froze
When it wasn’t me you chose

I would write a letter
To make it all better
Then deliver it drunk
That’s how low I sunk

Never lost so many tears
In a space of a year
When life with a red
Was alive and then dead

Not to sound preachy
But when life seems peachy
Dont let them go
And leave your heart with a hole

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Set Free

Save myself by creating heartbreak
Ending affection for ending sake
Not personal, a quick draw decision
Wouldn’t of lasted, said my premonition
Of a close soul breaking my heart
To escape I quickly force it apart
Convinced my dark vision is true
Before it’s me I’ll end it with you
Romance is dead but the pain lives
Couldn’t control the doubt love gives,
living life with stop and starts
Short lived dates and broken hearts

The one set loose will find a match
To with feelings, there is no catch
No pits of empty days or sorrow
No happy one day, down tomorrow
By then the jealously creeps to bite
Thinking about them close at night
With an anxious mind it’s hard to confide
The insecurity locked inside

Can’t commit to time or to lust
Defences are high in the aspect of trust
Testing to see who will try and return
Loneliness the only lesson to learn
Always looking for that one salvation
Who saves me from my false self-preservation.

Bitter

I’m not bitter
But my soul has been bit
I bleed for the family
And drown out the shit,
The most critical of parent
Forced child from the house
He loved only himself
And his new spouse,
Factually the adult
Acts though the child
Forever the narcissist
A martyr ran wild,
Blood rains like water
Waters tainted with blood,
When the family tree grows
You’ll be buried in the mud.

Imagine

Just imagine
What a little encouragement would do,
Change someone’s life,
From give up
To see it through

Easiest thing in the world
To slander and slate,
But all you will receive back,
Is zero respect
And hate

Even if that person
Is making you mad or frustrated,
Just Encourage and praise
Act like your elated

No good can come
From shouts and name calling,
Its bullying and calculating
To kick a soul when its falling

For a person
It’s a form of torture
To sit through personal torment,
Even if the delivery
Is harsher than it’s meant.

Any negative turned to positive
Alters a minds choices,
A window to think for themselves
Not listen to irrational voices.

If someone has a critical opinion
Its definitely not true,
It comes from a cold heart
Where its easier to be cruel

Encourage absolutely and always
Criticism cuts like a knife,
It’s the best way to act
It will change someone’s life.

No love lost

No love lost

A child with sensitivity to feelings
Living with a parent with no emotion,
Is like drowning in the ocean,
Never dying.
The adult only walks the selfish direction
Widening the gap of bond and blood
Separating the connection
Between father and son,
Family home a safe haven turned toxic
By the golem who created his kingdom,
And his alone.
Willing freely to give you away,
Maybe bribe you with silver
To leave their place
So you burden them no more

Sowed the seed but not willing to feed
The emotionally hungry figure of youth,
Not because of behavioral actions
Or laziness tendencies on your part,
But through deviant selfishness
To thrive without ties of a child
Giving the responsibility of parent
To the world,
No wonder as an adolescent we feel abandoned,
Left stranded to survive
With no tools to speak of,
Its pointless to eventually seek blame
They hold no shame,
And learn nothing other to treat your babe,
Their legacy and grandchild,
The same.

Night Creepers

At night I crawl,
Spread out and creep,
Forever awake
Barely ever asleep

They are open
The pathways of my eyes,
But I’m not listening
It’s a familiar disguise

The panic is suppressed
And the mask starts to shake,
Again it’s exhausting
Forever awake

I don’t need understanding
I don’t need belief
What I need from my thinking
Is some truth and relief

It’s a lifelong phase
To live mentally ill
To you its invisible
To me it’s fucking real.

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