Bitter

I’m not bitter
But my soul has been bit
I bleed for the family
And drown out the shit,
The most critical of parent
Forced child from the house
He loved only himself
And his new spouse,
Factually the adult
Acts though the child
Forever the narcissist
A martyr ran wild,
Blood rains like water
Waters tainted with blood,
When the family tree grows
You’ll be buried in the mud.

Night Creepers

At night I crawl,
Spread out and creep,
Forever awake
Barely ever asleep

They are open
The pathways of my eyes,
But I’m not listening
It’s a familiar disguise

The panic is suppressed
And the mask starts to shake,
Again it’s exhausting
Forever awake

I don’t need understanding
I don’t need belief
What I need from my thinking
Is some truth and relief

It’s a lifelong phase
To live mentally ill
To you its invisible
To me it’s fucking real.

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Gremlins

Time never exchanges
Love for lost chances,
If anything it ridicules
By circling hope
In front of distant eyes,
The world shrinks
For a searching heart,
Spiderwebs bolts of emotions
That fizz out,
Only Returning to jolt pain
Of emotions lost,

The colour red
Flows internally,
Dripping with drops of regret
Like sweat off a peach
Or blood from an open wound,
One time anxiety ruled
And life was lost
To intrusive, irrational thoughts,
History will never die
Or repeat,
It will also burden the soul no more,
Our thoughts
Will just Rejoice in the experience,
Exist in peace,
And sit as a memory
Like an outline faded in smoke.

Dear Papa

Tread upon my memory
Twist the past to suit
So now I dwell in silence
And cry for help in mute.

You cannot talk for dread
Of upsetting your life of now
A coward never thinks
Just nods his head and bows

Similar in physicality
Only way that we’re the same
When people ask about me
You stutter at my name.

Deny any blood relations
Making young generations cry
When they knock the door in decades
Will you look them in the eye.

And repeat..

… I cannot sleep,
I over think,
My mind switches on
Tunes in
To endless channels
Of riddles and junk.
I’m not the only one
Just one of many,
Who wake in the dark
Sleep never,
And lyes thinking up myths
Instead of staring at truths.
I hear nothing
And hear all,
Seeing shapes and shadows,
Forming stories
That won’t exist forever.
I’ll sleep tomorrow night
It’ll be different then,
And if I can’t,
I shall speak with you again.

Wicked art

Sometimes I feel I don’t fucking belong
I mean, I could be wrong
But I need some kind of sign
To feel this is my time,
And I I don’t usually swear
But the restraints just not there
When you feel down on your luck
Sometimes You just have to say fuck

To write a sad limerick
Feels like a shit gimmick
But when the minds in the pit
Out comes the shit!
Just true honest words
I’m not sorry for the curse.

Im just a flawed genius
Just like all of us,
Wrestling with our soul
To climb out this shitty hole
To fuck all the hate
And Use that shit to create
Something cool that’s unique
That’s not up for critique
It’s not theres, its yours
There’s no fucking flaws
It represents you
Laid bare and all true.

There I’ve said all my shit
And my thoughts, so fuck it,
Because we’re in this together
I feel so much better
For now anyway
To the next fucking day
When my mind is at war
And I’ll swear so much more
Or perhaps produce a masterpiece
To put my mind at peace
Yeah That be great,
Dont procrastinate, or duplicate
Be like me and go fucking create,

Aftermath

Addiction seems so fruitful
Mountains of highs
Valleys of lows
We fight to-and-fro
Reaching for the sky to smile
But always end up drowning
Down below in the depths.

The aftermath of addiction
Drags down the soul
Swamps joy and hope
To the point of destruction,
Sleep becomes a distant distraction,
Sweat is the choice of panic
And crying the release for help.

The hole is deep
Dug by individual hand
Which carries the burden solely
The weight of the dirt,
Mountains are far out of sight
Especially as sinking begins
And normality shrinks.
Was peaking high
Worth the aftermath
And the massacre of feelings
That follows like a shadow
For eternity.

A Night Out

Can you hear the silence
That’s me in the dark corner
Keeping quiet
Not speaking a word
Avoiding eye to eye,
But even though I’m innocent
I emit dark guilty vibes
Or thats how it feels,
In my mind
Im Batting away stares
With evidence
Of a alibi
Running through my head,
No crime has been committed
Or deviant deed undertaken
So why does guilt
Deep red my face
Cause my pores to seep
Like the sweat of a condemned man,
Pressure mounts
And I flee the scene
Hiding my face
Quickening my stroll
Until I reach the door
Of escape, literally,
I chance a glance to the crowd,
No looks to my direction
Heads not shifted an inch
Not even a slightest turn,
No ones even pretended to notice
I’ve vacated the building
And I’ve Left my seat cold,
My thoughts led my mind
To Think I’m the centrepiece
Of attention,
When of course
Im The polar opposite
Invisible and silent,
Reality sets in
My subconscious has excused me
From trying
With a fake thought trail
Mixed with physical traits
Of anxiety and guilt
So I could leave without obligation,
I’m at home, all alone,
Once again
Suffering from avoidance
Intrusive thoughts
Suppressed obligation
And a massive dose
Of a life lost.

Some Disorder

Take a moment
To catch a breath
Its complicated to imagine
The thoughts swirling in-depth

To normal, the lines are straight
For others mind is twisted
Most eyes see clean and clear
But in darkness sight is squinted

Sit straight as the tale is tall and true
And receivers do feel manipulated
For belief these disorders are real
Makes for uncomfortable and complicated

Concentration shuts off
The expression turns blank
No effort to understand
The eyes have rolled and sank

The Stories are true
No need for exaggeration
Many souls are lost
To their own imagination