Gremlins

Time never exchanges
Love for lost chances,
If anything it ridicules
By circling hope
In front of distant eyes,
The world shrinks
For a searching heart,
Spiderwebs bolts of emotions
That fizz out,
Only Returning to jolt pain
Of emotions lost,

The colour red
Flows internally,
Dripping with drops of regret
Like sweat off a peach
Or blood from an open wound,
One time anxiety ruled
And life was lost
To intrusive, irrational thoughts,
History will never die
Or repeat,
It will also burden the soul no more,
Our thoughts
Will just Rejoice in the experience,
Exist in peace,
And sit as a memory
Like an outline faded in smoke.

Aftermath

Addiction seems so fruitful
Mountains of highs
Valleys of lows
We fight to-and-fro
Reaching for the sky to smile
But always end up drowning
Down below in the depths.

The aftermath of addiction
Drags down the soul
Swamps joy and hope
To the point of destruction,
Sleep becomes a distant distraction,
Sweat is the choice of panic
And crying the release for help.

The hole is deep
Dug by individual hand
Which carries the burden solely
The weight of the dirt,
Mountains are far out of sight
Especially as sinking begins
And normality shrinks.
Was peaking high
Worth the aftermath
And the massacre of feelings
That follows like a shadow
For eternity.

Intrusive thoughts


I have been living with OCD and intrusive thoughts for over thirty years. It is such a disabling mental illness; it’s really hard for someone without it to understand the distress it causes.
Trying to explain OCD and intrusive thoughts to a person makes you sound mad.

Think about it, a seemingly rational person, feeling guilty, avoiding and taking no risks due to being crippled by the irrational thoughts in their own head.
But millions of people deal with this every day.
Fifteen years ago I had CBT for my unwanted intrusive thoughts, and even up to five years ago, and each time I was told and taught the same way to deal with the thoughts:
‘Try and think of something positive instead to counter the negative thought’.
Another technique was like the ‘Whack a mole game’ Every time I had an intrusive thought pop up, I had to visually whack it in my head. So I would spend days, weeks, pretending to whack these thoughts in my head with a pretend Mallett. I’m sure at the time these were the latest techniques, but it has now been proved it is the wrong way to deal with unwanted intrusive thoughts, because as soon as you engage with the thought, in any capacity, it will start the vicious circle of negative emotions and feelings.

I found a book called ‘Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts’ by Sally M. Winston and Martin N. Seif.

And since then I haven’t looked back. It taught me the modern ways of dealing with these unwanted thoughts.
First of all Unwanted Intrusive thoughts are thoughts we all have, but some people react overly emotionally to ones that don’t fit the character they have built for themselves. So they question the thoughts’ meaning, which turns into a cycle of questioning and guilt.

The OCD thoughts’ content can be violent, sexual, criminal, religious, personal, anything that causes a negative reaction to the mind.
One thing to learn is that any thought can be tolerated, ANY!

A thought is just a thought, the distress is caused by engaging with the seemingly bad awful ones, and start questioning,
‘Could I really do this, am I some kind of Deviant?’,
‘Thinking this must make me a bad person’,
‘I must be insane or a pervert to think this way’.
The truth is nearly everyone has bad or out of character thoughts, 90% of the population, but most people shrug them off for what they are, junk, rubbish, imagination, just a thought, and with this kind of attitude it goes as quickly as it came, leaving with no trace.
Anxious people, like myself, engage with the thought,
Asking, Why me?
What if?
What can I do?
What does it mean?
But I can’t stress this enough, it’s just a thought. A thought about flowers is the same as a thought about killing someone, or pushing a person on the road. It’s just some people engage with the bad or ridiculous thoughts, so they stick around. What happens when you try and not think about something? It sticks around and keeps coming back with more force.
The best technique, or tool, call it whatever you want, couldn’t be simpler; Accept the thought for what it is, just a thought.

Let it be, and carry on life with whatever you’re doing.
Be it while working, on a date, watching telly, at the cinema, or walking, just accept it and move on. I know from experience these thoughts can strike anywhere, making you doubt life and happiness. But to just accept it and carry on is so powerful when it works. The light bulb comes on, forever!
Any thought can be tolerated, ANY! Just accept and allow, no fighting or questioning, let it be. Once you engage, or try to rationalise an intrusive thought you’re trapped in the cycle of forever questioning what it means.
It means nothing, it’s just a thought, maybe not a nice one, but just a thought all the same. It means nothing about your character, your personality, your sanity, your past or future, it’s just a thought, accept and allow it for what it is.
Engaging with unwanted intrusive thoughts can bring on feelings of guilt, shame, disgust, isolation, and being a bad person. Nothing is further from the truth. An evil or psychotic personality would not feel anxious about having violent, sexual, or criminal thoughts. So to feel anxious and guilty about unwanted intrusive thoughts shows proof of a good character. It’s the character and choices of a person that defines them, not their thoughts or imagination.

I struggled and struggled with intrusive thoughts, but this clicked with me, and it’s simple. Just allow the thought, accept it’s just a thought. A random, nonsensical, crazy kind of thought, that makes no sense, but it’s just a thought. It doesn’t say anything about you as a person. It doesn’t mean there is a hidden evil inside you waiting to come out, trying to come forth in your mind, it’s just a thought. Laugh or forget about it, just accept and allow it to be there and in time it will drift off with no anxiety.
Using this technique in my therapy sessions, and reading the book I mentioned earlier changed my life forever.

I even used this technique for my OCD. I used to check all the time because my mind was telling me if I didn’t something bad would happen to me or my family, so I kept carrying out the rituals. Since learning about intrusive thoughts, I used this technique to stop my compulsions. When OCD tries to tempt me, I would tell myself it’s just an intrusive thought, it means nothing, and that helped me to keep walking away. Gradually the anxiety got lower after each time.
I was worried this would turn into another compulsion, but in the end the urge and temptation to check went without having to think or remind myself too much, so it became the normal to not obsess and give in to the thoughts.
Liked this article? Check a similar article: Why Is Self-Care An Absolute Important?

Chris Chant
I’ve suffered with OCD and Intrusive thoughts for thirty two years. I’m a qualified person-centered counsellor. I write poetry as it helps my mental health, and I have a Poetry Facebook page, a Blog, and a Book that was released last year called Encryption of the Mind.
I use writing as a tool to express my feelings and to create something unique. When you feel safe enough to give your Imagination freedom, it’s wonderful thing.

CONTACT ME

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POSTED IN WELL-BEINGTAGGED AFFECTED MENTAL HEALTH, CHRIS CHANT, HOW TO FIGHT OCD, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS HELP, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS TREATMENT, MENTAL DISORDER, MENTAL DISORDER HELP, MENTAL HEALTH, MENTAL SELF-CARE, OCD, OCD HELP, OCD PATIENT, OCD STORY, OCD SURVIVOR, OCD THERAPY, OCD WARRIOR, OCD WARRIORS, PROFESSIONAL OCD HELP, SELFLOVE

Plague of the Mind

Obsession and addiction
A impossible combination,
Producing cocktails of terrific imagination,
No positives, just darkness
A darkness to test the spirit
Test the soul,
And pain reality away.

Truth becomes blurred,
Projecting a mind
And a mindset of being disturbed,
Choas reigns, not through choice,
But because chosen
By the finger of fate
And the dark humour of nature.

We are pained, we are tortured
We are unique and flawed,
Living in the past
Crying of the future
Dying slowly in the present,
Please forgive us,
And tread lightly on our souls.

Clouds

As with life,
Beauty is seen through blinkered eyes,
Surrounded by shadows and darkness,
Even squinted
See the brilliant brightness
Of the future,
Time is a loop
So wait for the blend,
So the spirit is free to roam,
Back and forth
Balancing between
Light and dark.

Amputated

Two fingers amputated due to a work accident.
For a recreational writer and poet it can be a massive setback.
Not being able to make notes quickly, and struggling to get motivated or creative when looking at a loss which is so obvious in front of my face.
Worrying what other people think of my deformity.

But we must crack on and tell our story.
I’ve suffered mentally in the past, and now physically.
Because it’s my writing hand I feel like I’m being tormented or warned by some higher power.

But alas that is just my imagination, which is still fully intact.
I will adapt and embrace the change. Though it may be a slower process, words will still flow and my story will go on…

Only you know me

I think I’m too afraid,
But I know,
If I don’t soon, I will fade,
Eventually, I will let go

Even If I fail, I will try
No more will I hide,
If I unsuccessfully die,
At least I have tried

Let me go if I’m cold,
Eyes shut never blinking,
I was never meant to grow old,
Dont question my thinking

And Dont blame the view
I just like the sea
And I dont blame you,
It’s all on me

Free

We bleed because we need too. Release our thoughts, tensions and anxieties to the world, to resolve and find some balance.
Whose knows the answer to an unhappy species, which inhales the toxic spouting of leaders through open straws of lies.
Virus spreads but manipulation and greed stand immortal and immune to human suffering. In fact it thrives to the extent of watching the vermin argue amongst themselves, defending honours of deviants and dammed.
I find peace in knowing deep inside that my conscience is clear, my mind is open, and silence is an option to stupidity.

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Stand up

We are all living
We are all dying
Ask for forgiving
When the soul is flying

We can all speak
We can all be silent
Tested at our peak
When the world is violent

We can all act
We are all still
We choose to react
To help at will

We can all love
We can all hate
Cleanse the fisted glove
Before it’s too late

We can all kiss
We can all shout
Think of the effect
When we open our mouth

We can all laugh
We can all cry
Leave no wrath
When you die

We can choose wrong
We can choose right
No one belongs
In a sense of fright

We can all be kind
We can all be mean
We can all be blind
To the horrors we see

We can all be quiet
We all have a voice
We all have a chance
To make the right choice