Treading Water

Choose to climb
and escape the stone walls
that close in
like a dampening breath to the neck,
The goosebumps are real
coldness can’t be faked
neither can the dread which creeps from below,
Move or perish
from the hesitant pause
that captures indecisive minds
freezing the will to submission.
So climb,
Or leave it to fate,
Let go and fall in to emptiness
become weightless in body and mind,
Float down star shaped
with eyes unable to close
as you look upward bidding farewell
to life,
part of the punishment of surrendering to hell,
Light dissolves in seconds
free falling in to darkness
to an eternal expanse.
Deviant whispers from nowhere
keep you from sleep
and peace,
A choice to make,
Fall and drown forever as a prisoner
or climb and fight.

Within Temptation

The fog lifts only to the night
The mist clears from in front of my eyes
though I cannot see.
For I am trapped, trapped in a cocoon of fragility
vulnerable for all to see,
blind to rational choices.
The windpipe of breath closes in
causing abject terror to rise above a level beyond fear.
Strangulation of silence surrounding me
accelerating the heights of animated terror
blurring the once serene view.
The immediate future laid out in front of me,
safe but grim,
Immortal, though cold in mind and soul.
Brainwashed in waves of furious emotions,
rippling in, clear as truth,
a foul lifeless premonition
with empty thoughts never raising suspicion.
Living on the edge of nervous foundations
hypnotic to a ritualistic routine.
A follower of a secret-society cult
living in my mind
closing the shutters on life
creeping in secret backdoors to the soul
whispering fairy tales not of this world.

I choose not to listen to my demons
the minions that celebrate death and filth,
along the path towards damnation.
I shall confront the architect who paved the road to my own inferno,
the Emperor that feeds on sorrow.
Though he bares my face,
shares my image,
he is dark, and I am light
I am day, he is night.
The only way to kill this cursed reflection
would bring death upon myself.
That is what the martyr craves,
for me to release myself of life
give myself forever, and be immortalised to the dark.
I will not succumb to this outcome,
though I know as long as my heart beats
the war will never end.
But when it does,
it shall be fate’s will that takes my last breath,
as I rather live with this heavy burden
than lighten my heart prematurely.

My interpretation of the downward spiral towards a mental hell. An out of control feeling, which at one point a choice has to be made; to start climbing back up or let go of the ledge to damnation.

Out of the Hell-Mouth

Hunger for the days
Appearing in waves of emotions
As tears is to the eyes.
No need to plead for absolution
Forgiveness earned through torturous hours
Spent crying and weeping,
Bruising knees in surrender and attempts
Of escapism.
Born again as the stars align for the annual celebration
The lights always seem closer
Almost within reach to play and dance
To spin in the palm of hands
Watch in wonder as it shines and flies free.

Night transforming from foe,
Dark an ally, no longer a friend of fear.
Trust in the situation to which you sleep
Lighten the head that rests to the pillow
For it is yours now.
Control relinquished from the mouth that wretches the soul
Gravitating your will towards a deep cavern
Who swallows and devours.
It no longer swells inside you
lying dormant though holds no threat.
Part of you feels attached to the entity
Empathising the sadness of its defeat
But aware of its dogginess
To return and abandon its slumber, hungry.
Don’t be afraid
The self-made demon can’t touch you no more
Time now to live with a certainty to choose
And a freedom of celebration.

Dreams

Dark shadows stretch out where I lay,
A calm warmth surrounds where I slept,
Making adjustments between night and day
A thousand times, I’ve laid here and wept

Eyes half wide, checking my life’s place,
Feelings of content without any cares,
My dreams are a sanes person’s reality,
My reality is people’s kind of nightmares

Look forward to the night, a place to escape
Where happy memories bubble and ferment,
During the seemingly split second break,
An awaken alarm feels like torment

Nerves in stomach from hitting the pillow,
Looking forward to sleep, but not waking,
An invisible nights story lights up my life,
Awoken from peace, anxiety in the making

Another paradox of this infinite cycle,
A taste of something pure that never stays,
Wish this reality would switch around,
Where peaceful nights, turn into peaceful days

Shutters

Night the calmest part of day
Glowing silence creates more sound
Sight plays games, takes you away,
To places old and places bound

Jaw cracks from looping yawn
Eyes take the weight, head rebooted
Empty dream script gets drawn
Rest stolen, sleep slowly looted

Waking nights, waking days
Blends, merges as one
Start to fear and be afraid
See no change in moon and sun

Limbs tired, minds seized
Mask feels true and alive
Dream of sleep, reality squeezed
Lazy mind cries to survive

Passed the point of this realm
Bright light a false life line
Whose the driver at the helm
Decides the fate, this life of mine

Vessels and blood pump hard
Some fight left with a devils bind
Again we survive this mental charge,
Must of been an Angel that changed our mind

Just smile…

Smile

A Smile is a beautiful gift
Designed to give life a lift,
A Smile can bring love to the dying
And comfort to the crying,
It can bring warmth to the cold
And youth to the old,
It can be quiet or loud
Make you stand out from the crowd,
An amazing natural energy of light
Causing the lowest soul to take flight

A Smile can bring calm to the mad
And happiness to the sad,
Make your greatest enemy dance
Giving hope and friendship a chance,
A grin that spreads from ear to ear
Comes from a place real and sincere,
It turns nightmares to dreams
Develops into laughter with screams,
Brings joy to all around
A feeling of music, with no sound

A Smile is unique and gives a person class
A received priviledge, not having to ask,
Gives hope to the deepest darkest dread
A gift shared with nothing said,
Turns the heat of the moment calm
A feeling of alone, turning to warm,
Share your Smile, let it go
It will light up the darkest soul,
Unleash the expression, don’t keep it
Reveal to all, your beautiful secret,
It’s an wonder and a gift given so true
Smile and the people will smile with you 😊

Never Alone

I wish I could wrap my arms around the world,

Sheltering you from pain,

Softly hold you close

to share the burden,

Bring warmth through a hold of a hand,

knowing that life is like a fortress built on sand,

I see that eyes can shine with sadness behind,

A radiant smile masks stolen tears

taken from your place of serenity,

I recognize – beautiful can be broken

So I travel my thoughts

over great distance

hoping you recieve some comfort

from these imaginings unspoken.

 

Thoughts can’t change events. They can’t stop or make something happen. Where they are powerful is sharing thoughts of comfort. Let people know you’re thinking of them. It can be through a call, email or text. It’s so easy today to communicate.

No matter how far away someone can be, let them know you’re there, thinking about them. Don’t put it off or think you’re do it tomorrow, do it today, bring the world closer.

It can bring warmth and happiness.

Today, let someone know you’re thinking of them.

Remember how it feels when someone reminds you you’re in their thoughts. It produces an inner smile.

Scared to Survive

We’re all a bit scared of living. There are always choices to make: scary choices.
With anxiety it’s the decisions of normal day-day stuff that can be scary.
Which shop to go to, will there be many people about?, shall I go out this week to see friends?, shall I go to this family party? All decisions that can seem scary to a born worrier.

Anxiety makes you look ahead, check if there’s any forthcoming decisions that need making, any worries to clear up in advance, even though that never happens. A normal week is a struggle, it takes a lot of mental work to function. Wearing the mask for other people to see, and then to be at home, and be honest with yourself knowing that’s another day wasted. Another day without joy, happiness or achievement.

You’ve had glimpses’ of it in the past, you know what it feels like. But that just feels like a gift you receive now or then. Or you feel you don’t really deserve to be happy, for what reason? there isn’t one. It’s a feeling and a thought, and none of them are facts.

It’s so hard to come out of the shadows and live. It’s been so long you forget how, or you never really knew how to embrace it to start with.

It’s never to late to escape the prison that you’ve created. To leave the comfort zone of a false kingdom. A King in a land of despair, anxiety disguised as a crown. The shadows are your enemies, the worries that surround, that stem from the dark.

Step foot in to the sun, feel the heat, it’s never to late to start living-use that imagination, create a better kingdom, a better world, out of the dark comes light…

 

Scared to Survive

In the back I hide
only edging out to the sun,
when my conscious allows me

Sometimes I play amongst the shadows
with whom I’m lost,
prisoner in freedom,
King in his Kingdom

Days come and leave
Years pass with no greater wisdom
or luxury of courage

Raindrops wet my appetite,
for a greener life of growth,
glistening of beauty

I choose,
to shelter down from the wind,
of the storm, dormant
in my mind

Panic shines a light,
pumps the blood,
still I don’t move,
from my spot of fragility

The cold of frost
affects my tears,
relays my fears,
tap, tapping
onto my body shell – echoing,
a rhythm to my desires

I feel the warmth,
crawling at the senses,
still I sit,
scared,
forever,
looking out,
to the wonder

Brave

Telling someone you love them, with uncertainty of the answer, is the bravest of the brave.

A silent response can kill a person, a whispered split second produces a thousand thoughts, breaking a million hearts.

Baring all but not to recieve, Love, feelings, emotions, makes giving the hardest choice, speaking truth the hardest voice.

Don’t underestimate, behind every quiet voice is a chaotic mind, who may shake to start with but will end in full force.

Speaking your mind when you don’t trust yourself is the toughest barrier to break. Defences are high, comfort is safer in silence.

Don’t speak with malice, speak with imagination, humour, and for defence. Believe in your truth, the truth of the world around you, what you seek will find you and stand by your side.