Tread upon my memory
Twist the past to suit
So now I dwell in silence
And cry for help in mute.
You cannot talk for dread
Of upsetting your life of now
A coward never thinks
Just nods his head and bows
Similar in physicality
Only way that we’re the same
When people ask about me
You stutter at my name.
Deny any blood relations
Making young generations cry
When they knock the door in decades
Will you look them in the eye.
We rationalise death
To the point of frozen,
Cold to the facts
Faced in front of our eyes
That play out in stillness,
Slow motion memories
Set in stone
Play out in sleep
And awakens nightmares
That bare the brunt
Of daylight.
Addiction seems so fruitful
Mountains of highs
Valleys of lows
We fight to-and-fro
Reaching for the sky to smile
But always end up drowning
Down below in the depths.
The aftermath of addiction
Drags down the soul
Swamps joy and hope
To the point of destruction,
Sleep becomes a distant distraction,
Sweat is the choice of panic
And crying the release for help.
The hole is deep
Dug by individual hand
Which carries the burden solely
The weight of the dirt,
Mountains are far out of sight
Especially as sinking begins
And normality shrinks.
Was peaking high
Worth the aftermath
And the massacre of feelings
That follows like a shadow
For eternity.
Can you hear the silence
That’s me in the dark corner
Keeping quiet
Not speaking a word
Avoiding eye to eye,
But even though I’m innocent
I emit dark guilty vibes
Or thats how it feels,
In my mind
Im Batting away stares
With evidence
Of a alibi
Running through my head,
No crime has been committed
Or deviant deed undertaken
So why does guilt
Deep red my face
Cause my pores to seep
Like the sweat of a condemned man,
Pressure mounts
And I flee the scene
Hiding my face
Quickening my stroll
Until I reach the door
Of escape, literally,
I chance a glance to the crowd,
No looks to my direction
Heads not shifted an inch
Not even a slightest turn,
No ones even pretended to notice
I’ve vacated the building
And I’ve Left my seat cold,
My thoughts led my mind
To Think I’m the centrepiece
Of attention,
When of course
Im The polar opposite
Invisible and silent,
Reality sets in
My subconscious has excused me
From trying
With a fake thought trail
Mixed with physical traits
Of anxiety and guilt
So I could leave without obligation,
I’m at home, all alone,
Once again
Suffering from avoidance
Intrusive thoughts
Suppressed obligation
And a massive dose
Of a life lost.
Obsession and addiction
A impossible combination,
Producing cocktails of terrific imagination,
No positives, just darkness
A darkness to test the spirit
Test the soul,
And pain reality away.
Truth becomes blurred,
Projecting a mind
And a mindset of being disturbed,
Choas reigns, not through choice,
But because chosen
By the finger of fate
And the dark humour of nature.
We are pained, we are tortured
We are unique and flawed,
Living in the past
Crying of the future
Dying slowly in the present,
Please forgive us,
And tread lightly on our souls.
As with life,
Beauty is seen through blinkered eyes,
Surrounded by shadows and darkness,
Even squinted
See the brilliant brightness
Of the future,
Time is a loop
So wait for the blend,
So the spirit is free to roam,
Back and forth
Balancing between
Light and dark.
The master of disguise never wears a costume
Just hides the sides of his mind,
The myth becomes alive
To the right side of the brain,
It makes us dance to silence
Create with nothing
And paint colours to the sky,
When it takes over
Overcoming the left distant side
You will strive for the feeling
Of exuberance
To last forever,
Never wanting to ever let go,
This is the only way
To move forward and evolve.
Take me back
To that time of innocence,
Eating Thunder Cat crisps
Drinking Shandy at twenty pence
Always having to go home
When it’s raining or gets dark,
And the only major choice
Was to go big or little park
Playing games for hours
Jumping off the swings,
Pretending it doesn’t hurt
When it really really stings
Scaling the massive slide
First up to the top wins,
Sliding back down on our back
Next time on our shins.
No health and safety padding
No soft cushion under our feet,
When we fell off a ride
We Smashed down on the concrete
The witches hat was mental
Clanging up towards the sky,
But it was the best thrill
Holding on or probably die
Kissing on the wooden benches
Or Playing forty, forty,
It was lively, noisy, and crazy
No-one had time to be naughty
Lads playing football
Girls giggling as they play,
Crushes came and went
Changing from day to day
Best friends forever
You never forget your mates,
Arguments came and went
No time for long term hates
Take me back to the endless days
Of having fun without a care,
The Memories wont be beaten
If I could choose, I would go back there.
We need to smooth the ride
For People that shouldn’t have died,
A spiritual involvement perhaps?
Before a person’s mind will collapse,
Every day, it happens every day
Vibrant lifes are taken away,
Just one, one other to understand
So life not extinguished by own hand.
What if I died
And this is all a dream,
The accident was fatal
And my mind is teasing the news To my subconscious
Of the reality of my death,
An amputation to signal a loss,
Losing two fingers
telling the mind I’m slowly dying,
Disappearing away
Bit by bit
Piece by piece,
What if I died
In that instant of terror,
Snapping my head in to limbo,
Bringing an illusion of survival
An alternate version of events
Where I still live, for awhile at least,
Now I have detected, and felt
This true reality,
Am I ready?
Ready for the darkness,
Or whatever awaits me,
If anything,
Ready to leave this eighteen month fairytale
Written in my mind,
Is it better to fake a life in ignorance,
Live in a dream state,
Interact as normal
Or just realise my fate?
It’s out of my hands
I must sleep, but will I ever wake again?
And if I awaken the next morning
Will the feeling still hang over me,
That whatever path I follow,
I’m living on borrowed time.
Chris Chant Poetry 