No love lost

No love lost

A child with sensitivity to feelings
Living with a parent with no emotion,
Is like drowning in the ocean,
Never dying.
The adult only walks the selfish direction
Widening the gap of bond and blood
Separating the connection
Between father and son,
Family home a safe haven turned toxic
By the golem who created his kingdom,
And his alone.
Willing freely to give you away,
Maybe bribe you with silver
To leave their place
So you burden them no more

Sowed the seed but not willing to feed
The emotionally hungry figure of youth,
Not because of behavioral actions
Or laziness tendencies on your part,
But through deviant selfishness
To thrive without ties of a child
Giving the responsibility of parent
To the world,
No wonder as an adolescent we feel abandoned,
Left stranded to survive
With no tools to speak of,
Its pointless to eventually seek blame
They hold no shame,
And learn nothing other to treat your babe,
Their legacy and grandchild,
The same.

Night Creepers

At night I crawl,
Spread out and creep,
Forever awake
Barely ever asleep

They are open
The pathways of my eyes,
But I’m not listening
It’s a familiar disguise

The panic is suppressed
And the mask starts to shake,
Again it’s exhausting
Forever awake

I don’t need understanding
I don’t need belief
What I need from my thinking
Is some truth and relief

It’s a lifelong phase
To live mentally ill
To you its invisible
To me it’s fucking real.

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Gremlins

Time never exchanges
Love for lost chances,
If anything it ridicules
By circling hope
In front of distant eyes,
The world shrinks
For a searching heart,
Spiderwebs bolts of emotions
That fizz out,
Only Returning to jolt pain
Of emotions lost,

The colour red
Flows internally,
Dripping with drops of regret
Like sweat off a peach
Or blood from an open wound,
One time anxiety ruled
And life was lost
To intrusive, irrational thoughts,
History will never die
Or repeat,
It will also burden the soul no more,
Our thoughts
Will just Rejoice in the experience,
Exist in peace,
And sit as a memory
Like an outline faded in smoke.

Intrusive

Intrusive —
Once writing this would’ve crippled me
I mean the thought of it would
The idea of tempting fate, Wow
Knowing now I can, and always could

Best to face the beast head on
No more living in the depths of life
No more invisibly leashed, being led on
No more stabbed with a thought provoked knife

Physical fights and words scare me
But mostly it’s my compulsive thoughts
Ninety nine percent mean nothing at all
But that’s the ones I fought

Now I can write the words, talk the talk
Push back false hope from my head
Still knowing it’s a fine line I walk
For now the darkness has been put to bed.

Dear Papa

Tread upon my memory
Twist the past to suit
So now I dwell in silence
And cry for help in mute.

You cannot talk for dread
Of upsetting your life of now
A coward never thinks
Just nods his head and bows

Similar in physicality
Only way that we’re the same
When people ask about me
You stutter at my name.

Deny any blood relations
Making young generations cry
When they knock the door in decades
Will you look them in the eye.

And repeat..

… I cannot sleep,
I over think,
My mind switches on
Tunes in
To endless channels
Of riddles and junk.
I’m not the only one
Just one of many,
Who wake in the dark
Sleep never,
And lyes thinking up myths
Instead of staring at truths.
I hear nothing
And hear all,
Seeing shapes and shadows,
Forming stories
That won’t exist forever.
I’ll sleep tomorrow night
It’ll be different then,
And if I can’t,
I shall speak with you again.

Made of Stone

We rationalise death
To the point of frozen,
Cold to the facts
Faced in front of our eyes
That play out in stillness,
Slow motion memories
Set in stone
Play out in sleep
And awakens nightmares
That bare the brunt
Of daylight.

Rescue

My first attempt at a drawing type thing.

I’ve called it rescue.

Wicked art

Sometimes I feel I don’t fucking belong
I mean, I could be wrong
But I need some kind of sign
To feel this is my time,
And I I don’t usually swear
But the restraints just not there
When you feel down on your luck
Sometimes You just have to say fuck

To write a sad limerick
Feels like a shit gimmick
But when the minds in the pit
Out comes the shit!
Just true honest words
I’m not sorry for the curse.

Im just a flawed genius
Just like all of us,
Wrestling with our soul
To climb out this shitty hole
To fuck all the hate
And Use that shit to create
Something cool that’s unique
That’s not up for critique
It’s not theres, its yours
There’s no fucking flaws
It represents you
Laid bare and all true.

There I’ve said all my shit
And my thoughts, so fuck it,
Because we’re in this together
I feel so much better
For now anyway
To the next fucking day
When my mind is at war
And I’ll swear so much more
Or perhaps produce a masterpiece
To put my mind at peace
Yeah That be great,
Dont procrastinate, or duplicate
Be like me and go fucking create,

Aftermath

Addiction seems so fruitful
Mountains of highs
Valleys of lows
We fight to-and-fro
Reaching for the sky to smile
But always end up drowning
Down below in the depths.

The aftermath of addiction
Drags down the soul
Swamps joy and hope
To the point of destruction,
Sleep becomes a distant distraction,
Sweat is the choice of panic
And crying the release for help.

The hole is deep
Dug by individual hand
Which carries the burden solely
The weight of the dirt,
Mountains are far out of sight
Especially as sinking begins
And normality shrinks.
Was peaking high
Worth the aftermath
And the massacre of feelings
That follows like a shadow
For eternity.